Previously Known As Chopperpapa.com

If you’re a single or divorced dad I feel your pain. I’ve been one for seven years and have experienced every emotion you are or will go through. I know what it’s like to have a piece of your soul ripped away every Sunday evening, I’ve had the desire to take out a professional hit on my ex-wife, and I understand feeling like you are getting the raw end of the deal.   Being a single father means we may never have a traditional relationship with our children, we may not always be there to tuck them in or be able to band-aide every scrape but that doesn’t mean we can’t be any less than an extraordinary influence in their lives. Regardless of what media or culture says fathers are important and your kids need you whether you’re with their mother or not.  When I got divorced I didn’t get a manual or have a go-to person for help; my family was hours away, which meant I was on my own. As such, I’ve made almost every conceivable mistake a dad can from introducing the girlfriend e...

Anthropologists calculate the institution of marriage, or something you and I would recognize as such, to date back almost 5000 years. The earliest known marriage certificate, in this case a marriage contract, involving one woman and one man occurred in 2350 BC in Mesopotamia, or modern day Iraq. Over the ensuring centuries marriage evolved, influenced by culture and religion - especially Christianity -  to eventually become what you and I know it as today. Marriage was officially added as one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church in the 12th century forever placing it among the most sacred of undertakings. There’s no denying that matrimony between a man and woman is a cornerstone human civilization.  Yet with five millennia of historic precedent to support the idea of life long marriage between two people why is the noise about its necessity and future louder now than ever before? Is there any remaining rationale for marriage or are we just kidding ourselves? Has mar...

The phenomenon of Fifty Shakes of Grey baffles me. Critics claim the writing is insipid likened more to the musings of a teenage schoolgirl than an author whose pen has garnered international fame. Yet the books’ success is undeniable and has sent publishers of a genre historically reserved for middle-aged single women with too many cats scrambling to repackage former ‘romance’ classics, and hopeful EL James’s furiously pounding the keyboard - no pun intended.    Why I give an iota about the novels I can’t say for sure, maybe it’s their meteoric success or why a storyline that seems to epitomize what women throughout history have fought hard to overcome. What I can state emphatically is that I haven’t read the books - entirely. How the first two installments landed in my possession at all is definitive proof a higher power, and while most men would have left them on the dining room table I was intent on deciphering what makes them irresistible to so many. Desiring to learn wha...

There are events which occur in life where the necessary contemplation around their true meaning is enough leave our consciences in a state of upheaval. The accounts of heroism and bravery amid the tragedy of 9/11 come immediately to my mind. The numerous actions of rescue personnel and random citizens who sacrificed their own lives to save those of complete strangers force me to ask if I have even a fraction of that courage and self sacrifice.  Then too I try and envision the victims trapped in those burning buildings as they came to grips with the hopelessness of their circumstances and the reality they faced – remain trapped or jump.  With both means producing the same certain end, how did they rationalize one over the other? What went through their minds after settling on an answer? Were they horrified as the inevitable approached or did they face the end with resolve and calmness?  As I think on these things I’m left with no alternative but to ask myself ‘What would ...

I had driven through the neighborhood countless times, it was less than a ½ mile from where we lived and made for a dreamy alternative to the busy commerce laden street that was our standard route to the grocery store, pizza parlor, or dry cleaners.  “If I could live in a house like that, I’d finally have made it!” If I thought that once I thought it a thousand times passing by this particular home. It had a traditional feel with a wonderfully graded lot, which meant it sat slightly higher than its surrounding neighbors like Mount St. Helen among foothills. The yard was perfectly manicured with seasonal flowers and shrubbery which would have given any royal garden a run for its money. And its three-car garage simply validated my attitude that it encapsulated the pinnacle of the American dream. And much like Ralphie Parker staring at that Red Rider BB Gun in Goldblatt’s store window, I had lofty ambitions of having a dream of my own.    Little could I have imagined in just...

Earlier this year I wrote article entitled, Would you let you date your daughter? It turned out to be one of those proverbially stakes in the ground for any father to a daughter.  The title of the piece put forward a simple but powerful concept, would my actions and behaviors as a man, husband, and father still be as acceptable if it was my daughter’s boyfriend, fiancé, or spouse who was doing them instead of me? When looked at through the lens of this question it puts an entirely different spin on how fathers should perceive their conduct and live their lives.  As the dad to a 10-year-old girl I am growing more and more anxious about the boys she will eventually encounter and the man she will one day fall in love with and hopefully marry. I wonder about the kind of person he will be, what character and standards will he have, and how will he view her as a woman and possible mother. I also question the example I am setting for her right now.  How are the behaviors she see...

Parenting isn’t easy. Anyone saying otherwise has never been one  - or at least a good one. When I became divorced in ’05 my children were 10 and 18 months old –young by any standard. I can still remember the trepidation that first weekend alone with them. Would I be able to do this on my own?   That first year was frequently agonizing and consistently chaotic. It’s sad to say but early on I regularly dreaded those Friday afternoons and Sunday night couldn’t get here fast enough. This single parenting thing wasn’t something I signed up for and without a local support network I was doing it on my own. The simple act of going out to eat, the three of us, was such a production with diaper bags, strollers and bottles it became grueling at best.   There were lots of times when I wanted nothing more than to unload them both, head south, and never look back. My entire life had been turned upside down and not only was it taxing it was seriously cramping my re-emerging s...

  It’s kept me awake more nights than one, and for a good reason. Research suggests the average age boys are introduced to pornography is eleven, as in tuck-me-into-bed-daddy eleven. ‘Average’ also points to the shocking reality that many are coming across porn at even younger ages. My fears are further heightened due to my own documented struggles. I’ve been where the porn path leads; it’s not a beautiful place.   There’s no manual on how best to discuss this with our sons. And depending on where you look there is an outright contradiction if such conversations are even necessary. Many absurdly claim that porn is a healthy way for young boys to discover and grow in their sexuality. Furthermore, those same ‘experts’ believe that to criticize or condemn pornography only promotes future sexual repression in adulthood. That to throw a negative spin on porn only results in harmful guilt and shame. Yet given our overall cultural addiction to sex, and the documented effects per...

It continues to amaze me just how few women realize the power they hold over romantic relationships. I’m convinced that if they did, and they used that influence honestly, sincerely, and to its full potential, overnight we would see a drop in the number of broken hearts and broken dreams. And truthfully, we'd likely see better men in the world.  I was again reminded of this by an email from a reader.  She begins,  My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. He and his ex are separated (they were never married but cohabited for about 3-4 years) but they co-parent their 2 little boys, 3 and 4 years old. He takes a very active role in his children's lives. Although he lives in his own apartment now, he shares an amicable relationship with his ex and he will often go over in the morning and evenings after work to see his children. I have met his kids, and we get along quite well, but I imagine that in their innocence, they see me as another adult who plays with...

          The recent and earth-shaking announcement that Playboy Magazine, after more than a half century, will stop publishing nudity is perhaps the best illustration to the natural and inescapable consequence of pornography.       All but the most pious know at least some of the history behind Hugh Hefner’s journey to revolutionize sex and masculinity. Anyone with an Internet connection knows where that journey has led.  Generations of boys were ushered into the throws of puberty through its sultry pages. With each one warmly recounting the precise moment their juvenile worlds were forever changed.       For me, it was 1979 in the back room of an abandoned farmhouse in Yellow Creek Hollow Tennessee. Sitting on a shelf next to a half empty pouch of Red Man Chewing tobacco was the first Playboy I would ever open. Everything about her has now faded into the ether, but what remains vivid nearly four decades later i...

In the aftershock of her announcement to end our marriage, one thought immediately pressed upon me; what is this going to do to our children? I wasn’t so interested in the why as I was the what. One child was six months the other just over 2.5 years. I knew they couldn’t grasp what was going on, even though she sat them down and comically explained that mommy and daddy were no longer going to live together.  Their reaction fell somewhere between Barney the Dinosaur distraction and drool.  The shame subsided only during happy hours and furniture shopping. I looked into their faces and saw my failure glaring back. I kept wondering how would I explain this to them in the years to come, and what does fatherhood look like when you are only doing it part-time? My therapist reminded me that kids were resilient and quality was more important than quantity. I wanted to believe him but knew it wasn’t that simple.  I was hurting, vulnerable, and it would have been easy to leave it a...