There are events which occur in life where the necessary contemplation around their true meaning is enough leave our consciences in a state of upheaval. The accounts of heroism and bravery amid the tragedy of 9/11 come immediately to my mind. The numerous actions of rescue personnel and random citizens who sacrificed their own lives to save those of complete strangers force me to ask if I have even a fraction of that courage and self sacrifice.
Then too I try and envision the victims trapped in those burning buildings as they came to grips with the hopelessness of their circumstances and the reality they faced – remain trapped or jump. With both means producing the same certain end, how did they rationalize one over the other? What went through their minds after settling on an answer? Were they horrified as the inevitable approached or did they face the end with resolve and calmness?
As I think on these things I’m left with no alternative but to ask myself ‘What would I have done?’ and then question my very character as a man when I am disappointed with the answer I get.
Over a decade later I still shutter at these thoughts, yet I believe it’s an important soul cleansing exercise. To begin with it chips away at my callous heart beaten numb by our flippant world where death and loss lead every newscast. Second, I’m driven to a new appreciation for my current well being when our land of milk and honey makes that so easy to take for granted. And third, it immediately shuts down any criticism I might level against the decisions or actions of those directly involved - my arrogance and self-righteousness whither in the shadow of these convulsions of conscience.
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Late last week another tragic event had a similar effect and reminded me again of that great divide separating who I am from who I want to be. The incident involved a homeless man charged and finally arrested for purposefully pushing a fellow pedestrian off the platform on the 49th train station in New York City. This is said to be a New Yorker’s worst nightmare and I’ve been in enough of those train stations to understand why. The 58-year-old Ki Suck Han struggled by some estimates for 1-2 minutes trying to climb back off the tracks before succumbing to the onrushing train and later died at the hospital.
Death in and of itself is so recurrent in our culture it’s barely considered newsworthy anymore and this is especially so in the city that never sleeps, however Mr. Han’s death reinvigorated the discussion, in the most unpredictable of ways, of what I consider an even greater human injustice.
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This flash paper was sparked from the following morning’s front page of the New York Post:
Once readers’ move beyond those shocking words, the image in the background is sufficient to take the breath away. In a world of Photoshop and special effects where reality is repeatedly called into question this image garners an altogether different reaction. Considering the corresponding story one question quickly surfaces in the minds of most “Why didn’t the photographer help the man!?”
As legitimate as that question may be, what’s just as distressing is that no other passenger seemed bothered to aid Mr. Han either – there’s no one else in the picture. At this point it would be easy to begin throwing stones questioning the humanity of everyone on that train platform – why did no one bother to help him? Only when I consider what I might have done, does my conscience led me to throw the stones to the ground.
Most of us have this false notion that we’re more gallant and altruistic than we really are. As we sit nestled in our protective cocoons, we find it easy to cast doubt on the morality of each of those passengers who failed to assist their fellow human being. We quickly question the goodness of others while failing to give full consideration to the goodness (or lack of) within our own hearts.
Where this misconception comes from, I don’t know. Maybe the intent is what really matters. Is the desire to help all that’s needed to be courageous? Or because I’ve helped a few stranded motorists’ jumpstart their cars does that mean I’m noble and brave? Unfortunately, that doesn’t get me very far when I stop to consider what my first reaction may been there on that platform.
With no afterthought would I have instinctively risked my own safety by rushing to assist regardless the personal risks? Would I have thrown myself into certain harms way to help a stranger in need? Or would I have assumed, like I usually do for someone stranded on the side of the road, that help is already on the way, and they don’t need me - or they are serial killers’ intent on capturing another victim?
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The truth I am compelled to admit is that I would likely have done little more than the photographer or his fellow passengers. I’m still living in the gap of who I am and who I want to be and what honor I may possess doesn’t eclipse my fear, or the belief that I’m vastly more important than a man on the train tracks. I would have likely stood there in stunned amazement as the train bore down – then spent the rest of my life medicating my guilt by convincing myself there was nothing I could have done.
My heart goes out to the family of Mr. Sun and their tragic loss. But I can’t help in many ways feel more pity for the others in that station – those that who chose do to nothing. Only God knows what their souls must be struggling with today as they deal with their own guilt and try to persuade themselves there was little they could have done. Do they question their own humanity? Are they depressed, ashamed, or angry? And if given a second chance, would they have acted differently?
We all live in the space between who we are and who we claim to be, and not a one of us can say with any shred of honesty what we would have done that day, and because of that we must stop short of criticizing the photographer or others for living in their own gaps. So, before anyone calls into question the dignity of those who did nothing, it’s best that we search within our own hearts for how we would have acted then pray that we never have the opportunity to find out.
Originally published 9/11/2012