Previously Known As Chopperpapa.com

Statistics suggest there are currently over 23 million children in the US today whose parents are divorced. That’s millions of opportunities for children to be disappointed, discouraged, and made to feel insecure through the actions of their divorced, and often hostile, parents. More often than not the ensuing animosity and resentment, as a byproduct of the divorce process, can find its foothold with the children involved. Bent on revenge, parents will often use their children like chess pieces calculating which move will cause their opponent the most damage.  It’s believed that 85% of primary custody arrangements are awarded to the mother; with such high percentages it’s understandable for those fathers to feel alienated, bitter, and indignant. Two of the easiest ways a father can exact retribution on his now ex wife is financial punishment such as withholding support or through his irresponsibility in assuming the new role of a single dad.  ** One of the initial sensations a...

There isn’t a man with a pornography addiction who hasn’t thought to himself “that was the last time”. That was the last time he would sneak off to the bathroom, lock himself up in his office, or slink into the basement to get his fix. It’s the point where he has finally reached the deepest point of guilt, shame, and disgust with himself. Sensing that what he is doing and what its led him to become is wrong he knows its time for a change. And being a typical man he sets about this journey of transformation -  completely alone. He’s far too embarrassed to share his challenges with someone else and too prideful to seek the help of others but he’s convinced this time he can do it own his own, because he’s made this promise to himself before. The first sign of any addiction an inability to stop despite previous attempts to do so.   Porn is an alluring mistress. Though he starts  again on the path with sparkling optimism life has a way of making us all U-turn. Maybe the j...

I’ve never considered myself a coordinated person. I’ve never accomplished anything of dexterity much more skilled than walking and chewing gum at the same time. But that changed when I became a single dad. Overnight coordination and organization became necessities.  And add to that new reality the responsibilities of an employee, boss, and managing the nuances that come along with romantic relationships and I turned into a one-man juggling and tight rope-walking act.  There is an ample supply of single fathers in the world. With a divorce rate, depending upon whom you ask, at or above 50% there is an over abundance of them. And with such large numbers in the dating pool, the odds of a woman meeting and dating one of these single fathers is better than anything in you’ll get in Vegas. In fact I think it’s directly proportionate to her age; a twenty-five year old has about a 25% chance of dating a single dad and that number gets exponentially higher when she reaches her forties...

Let’s play a game.  Let’s say there’s a little girl we’ll call Brittany. Now Brittany is in the fourth grade at a school she’s been attending since kindergarten. She’s outgoing and cute, dresses odd at times, can be very funny, is a tad bookwormish, and is most definitively a Taylor Swift fan.  Brittany meets and becomes fast friends with another little girl in her class named Mallory.  They both like the TV show Good Luck Charlie and Tap Pet Shop on the iTouch, not to mention Mallory also loves Taylor Swift. They quickly become inseparable pals eating lunch together daily, playing during recess, and drawing pictures of one another under rainbow and butterfly filled skies.   One afternoon Mallory comes running home from school asking her mom and dad if she can have a sleepover at Brittany’s house this weekend. It seems Brittany recently got Just Dance 3 for her Wii and they plan on having a dance party late into the night.  On the surface is this any differ...

Co-parenting has nothing to do with kids and everything to do with parents. Kids can adapt  - and given proper support, love, and patience -  can, and will, thrive in the aftermath of a divorce. In those unfortunate but all too common instances where they don’t thrive, but instead suffer, doubt, and fear, it is not because of any fallout from divorce.   Most often, children struggle in the aftermath of a parents’ divorce because their parents fail, and specifically fail to do what is right over what is easy. It begins with putting aside differences, hurts, and jealousies. I once knew of an ex-wife so upset by her former husband’s new relationship, that she childishly keyed the woman’s car.  I’ve known of fathers who will not pay child support, or intentionally pay late, in hopes of soothing their bitterness. I’ve heard first-hand stories of the diabolical lengths moms and dads go, out of pure revenge, to turn a child against the other parent.   If co-p...

As the Queen’s and my anniversary approaches, I am reminded again of all that has changed over these two years; new marriage, family, job, house, and becoming a step-father.  However, it is this last one, being a step parent, that, for me, has been most significant. I greatly underestimated the job. Parenting step kids is far different from raising biological children. Yet being a step dad has already given more than it’s taken. It’s taught me about myself, as a father and a man, in ways that I could not have imagined.  But for of all I’ve experienced and learned, from greater patience, deeper grace, to recognizing how I am routinely a raging hypocrite, what I could never have imagined then, but what seems obvious now, is the feeling and impact of once again living with a mother.    **    I was divorced when my children were nine months and two years old. For a decade, we lived in a home without a mom. It was just us, my kids and I.  For ten years, I ...