Previously Known As Chopperpapa.com

Statistics suggest there are currently over 23 million children in the US today whose parents are divorced. That’s millions of opportunities for children to be disappointed, discouraged, and made to feel insecure through the actions of their divorced, and often hostile, parents. More often than not the ensuing animosity and resentment, as a byproduct of the divorce process, can find its foothold with the children involved. Bent on revenge, parents will often use their children like chess pieces calculating which move will cause their opponent the most damage.  It’s believed that 85% of primary custody arrangements are awarded to the mother; with such high percentages it’s understandable for those fathers to feel alienated, bitter, and indignant. Two of the easiest ways a father can exact retribution on his now ex wife is financial punishment such as withholding support or through his irresponsibility in assuming the new role of a single dad.  ** One of the initial sensations a...

There isn’t a man with a pornography addiction who hasn’t thought to himself “that was the last time”. That was the last time he would sneak off to the bathroom, lock himself up in his office, or slink into the basement to get his fix. It’s the point where he has finally reached the deepest point of guilt, shame, and disgust with himself. Sensing that what he is doing and what its led him to become is wrong he knows its time for a change. And being a typical man he sets about this journey of transformation -  completely alone. He’s far too embarrassed to share his challenges with someone else and too prideful to seek the help of others but he’s convinced this time he can do it own his own, because he’s made this promise to himself before. The first sign of any addiction an inability to stop despite previous attempts to do so.   Porn is an alluring mistress. Though he starts  again on the path with sparkling optimism life has a way of making us all U-turn. Maybe the j...

I’ve never considered myself a coordinated person. I’ve never accomplished anything of dexterity much more skilled than walking and chewing gum at the same time. But that changed when I became a single dad. Overnight coordination and organization became necessities.  And add to that new reality the responsibilities of an employee, boss, and managing the nuances that come along with romantic relationships and I turned into a one-man juggling and tight rope-walking act.  There is an ample supply of single fathers in the world. With a divorce rate, depending upon whom you ask, at or above 50% there is an over abundance of them. And with such large numbers in the dating pool, the odds of a woman meeting and dating one of these single fathers is better than anything in you’ll get in Vegas. In fact I think it’s directly proportionate to her age; a twenty-five year old has about a 25% chance of dating a single dad and that number gets exponentially higher when she reaches her forties...

Let’s play a game.  Let’s say there’s a little girl we’ll call Brittany. Now Brittany is in the fourth grade at a school she’s been attending since kindergarten. She’s outgoing and cute, dresses odd at times, can be very funny, is a tad bookwormish, and is most definitively a Taylor Swift fan.  Brittany meets and becomes fast friends with another little girl in her class named Mallory.  They both like the TV show Good Luck Charlie and Tap Pet Shop on the iTouch, not to mention Mallory also loves Taylor Swift. They quickly become inseparable pals eating lunch together daily, playing during recess, and drawing pictures of one another under rainbow and butterfly filled skies.   One afternoon Mallory comes running home from school asking her mom and dad if she can have a sleepover at Brittany’s house this weekend. It seems Brittany recently got Just Dance 3 for her Wii and they plan on having a dance party late into the night.  On the surface is this any differ...

Co-parenting has nothing to do with kids and everything to do with parents. Kids can adapt  - and given proper support, love, and patience -  can, and will, thrive in the aftermath of a divorce. In those unfortunate but all too common instances where they don’t thrive, but instead suffer, doubt, and fear, it is not because of any fallout from divorce.   Most often, children struggle in the aftermath of a parents’ divorce because their parents fail, and specifically fail to do what is right over what is easy. It begins with putting aside differences, hurts, and jealousies. I once knew of an ex-wife so upset by her former husband’s new relationship, that she childishly keyed the woman’s car.  I’ve known of fathers who will not pay child support, or intentionally pay late, in hopes of soothing their bitterness. I’ve heard first-hand stories of the diabolical lengths moms and dads go, out of pure revenge, to turn a child against the other parent.   If co-p...

As the Queen’s and my anniversary approaches, I am reminded again of all that has changed over these two years; new marriage, family, job, house, and becoming a step-father.  However, it is this last one, being a step parent, that, for me, has been most significant. I greatly underestimated the job. Parenting step kids is far different from raising biological children. Yet being a step dad has already given more than it’s taken. It’s taught me about myself, as a father and a man, in ways that I could not have imagined.  But for of all I’ve experienced and learned, from greater patience, deeper grace, to recognizing how I am routinely a raging hypocrite, what I could never have imagined then, but what seems obvious now, is the feeling and impact of once again living with a mother.    **    I was divorced when my children were nine months and two years old. For a decade, we lived in a home without a mom. It was just us, my kids and I.  For ten years, I ...

My Aunt Lucille was the most sophisticated woman in our family. She was my grandmother’s youngest sister and her entire life seemed one big cosmopolitan adventure. The many years she spent in Atlanta coupled while remaining unencumbered by children only added to an already formidable metropolitan mystique. Her husband Uncle Kenny was known best for his Caribbean complexion, not because of his lineage but due to the countless hours spent each summer sunbathing in his back yard swaddled by the sounds of The Carpenters and Bee Gees emanating from his Sunbeam AM/FM radio. A visit to their home always felt like a vacation. Green PVC corrugated panels covered the roof of their suburban back patio from which the emerald hue gave off a tropical flavor that to a ten-year-old must surely have been what Miami or Bermuda was like.   Several years after my uncle’s death, of skin cancer coincidentally, Aunt Cile began spending time with another man. Rumor had it that she would have married ...

In this, the most debilitating economic crisis since the Great Depression, there is one occupation that remains as robust and profitable as ever – the Hero.  At no time since Pagan Rome and Julius Caesar is there more profound worship of the mere human. There is no place we can turn, no sport, industry, or amusement where one if not several within their ranks has not been escalated to the status of the holy divine.  They have been turned into modern day prophets and we are their congregation listening as they minister from the sacred scripture of their accomplishments. Yet the price paid to receive such reverence and adulation is cheap by historical standards, it costs no tears or blood and can be bargained for with little more than beating analyst’s estimates, winning a Super Bowl, or starring in a video. **  It’s been said, and I have to believe, that you can tell everything you need to know about someone in how the answer this question,  “What sort of people do yo...

If you’re a single or divorced dad I feel your pain. I’ve been one for seven years and have experienced every emotion you are or will go through. I know what it’s like to have a piece of your soul ripped away every Sunday evening, I’ve had the desire to take out a professional hit on my ex-wife, and I understand feeling like you are getting the raw end of the deal.   Being a single father means we may never have a traditional relationship with our children, we may not always be there to tuck them in or be able to band-aide every scrape but that doesn’t mean we can’t be any less than an extraordinary influence in their lives. Regardless of what media or culture says fathers are important and your kids need you whether you’re with their mother or not.  When I got divorced I didn’t get a manual or have a go-to person for help; my family was hours away, which meant I was on my own. As such, I’ve made almost every conceivable mistake a dad can from introducing the girlfriend e...

“Let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac.” Genesis 24:14  The Queen and I first met at a bar. It’s not something we advertise. Similar stories usually end with hook ups and poorly. Ours, blessedly, led to meeting again the next day at church, and eventually marriage. We downplay the ‘bar’ thing, instead of saying it was a ‘restaurant,' they technically did serve food. Why we do this, I’m not entirely sure. It may have something to do with the images ‘bar’ convey, or maybe it’s too similar to my former marriage, she and I also met at a bar, one that didn’t have food. And if you’ve visited this website before, you know how that ends. So there’s a fear not to jinx it. But perhaps, and I think this get us closer to the point, our story reflects a complete lack of intentionality. I mean honestly, how uninspiring and unoriginal?  Besides, it models nothing positive for our kids except to demonstrate that a good way of going about the most important earthly relation...

The recent announcement by Marianne Gingrich of her former husband and 2012 presidential hopeful Newt Gringrich’s appeal to open up their 18 year marriage so he could pursue a sexual relationship with his congressional aide and now wife has unleashed a firestorm of criticism and once again brought the whole necessity of marriage back into question. It was Mrs. Gingrich’s refusal to be tolerant, understanding, and more sensitive to her ex husband’s sexual needs that undoubtedly lubricated their eventual divorce.  Whether this in fact did happen or is just a well-timed ploy to ruin a presidential race is inconsequential to me. I could mention that all of Washington is in the toilet so what’s another turd, but I don’t care and this isn’t that type of blog. Regardless of one’s partisan interest the ABC interview did let loose a flurry of writing activity as bloggers all over, looking to exploit the hottest keywords, chimed in with their own two cents. Outside of the political pundits’ ...

Anthropologists calculate the institution of marriage, or something you and I would recognize as such, to date back almost 5000 years. The earliest known marriage certificate, in this case a marriage contract, involving one woman and one man occurred in 2350 BC in Mesopotamia, or modern day Iraq. Over the ensuring centuries marriage evolved, influenced by culture and religion - especially Christianity -  to eventually become what you and I know it as today. Marriage was officially added as one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church in the 12th century forever placing it among the most sacred of undertakings. There’s no denying that matrimony between a man and woman is a cornerstone human civilization.  Yet with five millennia of historic precedent to support the idea of life long marriage between two people why is the noise about its necessity and future louder now than ever before? Is there any remaining rationale for marriage or are we just kidding ourselves? Has mar...