The recent announcement by Marianne Gingrich of her former husband and 2012 presidential hopeful Newt Gringrich’s appeal to open up their 18 year marriage so he could pursue a sexual relationship with his congressional aide and now wife has unleashed a firestorm of criticism and once again brought the whole necessity of marriage back into question. It was Mrs. Gingrich’s refusal to be tolerant, understanding, and more sensitive to her ex husband’s sexual needs that undoubtedly lubricated their eventual divorce.
Whether this in fact did happen or is just a well-timed ploy to ruin a presidential race is inconsequential to me. I could mention that all of Washington is in the toilet so what’s another turd, but I don’t care and this isn’t that type of blog. Regardless of one’s partisan interest the ABC interview did let loose a flurry of writing activity as bloggers all over, looking to exploit the hottest keywords, chimed in with their own two cents. Outside of the political pundits’ agendas, in most cases, Marianne is rightfully cast as the moral matriarch who was blindsided by a husband’s greed, ego, and arrogance. But what I have found most interesting wasn’t these articles’ defense of her decision, but the numerous reader responses maintaining that she should have been a better wife.
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If I read one more comment saying how “if she had only taken better care of his sexual needs this would have never happened” I swear I’m going to climb a tower and start picking off pedestrians. To begin with, how do they know she was the problem in the bedroom? And why is it in the blogging world the narcissist always hides behind ‘anonymous’ when spewing out their I’m –the-center-of-the-universe life philosophy. On and on their comments go ranging from condescending judgments on how she could have tried harder at keeping her man happy to moans about their own marital problems and specifically how he wants sex and the wife doesn’t. As if trying to convince total strangers he’s the good guy while his wife has become the cold-hearted inconsiderate Wicked Witch of the West.
How often do we hear complaints from men that their wives refuse to have sex with them anymore? Sometimes they’re in a twenty-year marriage while for others the ink hasn’t dried on the marriage certificate yet, but the messages are similar. To hear them tell it, one morning she woke up and over coffee simply decided she’s done with sex. She’s locked it up and threw away the key while he’s become the innocent bystander caught in the cross fire of her exhaustion, mood swings, apathy, or insensitivity claiming to have done nothing wrong to deserve such treatment.
At some point men latched onto the belief that after marriage their only job, when it comes to sex, is show up; that the price for admission to the big house, nice car, tennis on Tuesdays, and annual beach vacation is his wife’s legs spread whenever and wherever he wants. Husbands have bought into the notion that sex is owed to them without thaving to perform any of the heavy lifting. Because he put a ring on her finger it’s now alone her spousal duty to scratch whenever he has an itch. I’m not quite sure when or where husbands got the thinking but it’s led to this sense of entitlement that sex is a marital debt wives are contractually obligated to repay. With this type of attitude, is it any wonder women withhold sex from their husbands?
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No, I’m convinced your wife wants sex; she just doesn’t want it with you and you’re to blame for it.
Let me ask, would you still work at a job that hasn’t paid you in three years? Well that’s the last time your wife had an orgasm during sex with you. And you’re so selfish and out of touch with reality you don’t even know it. You’ve made sex all about you for so long you’ve totally forgotten her satisfaction. Whether she enjoys it isn’t your primary concern. And you’re such a clueless arrogant ass that while you think she’s in the throws of ecstasy she’s actually wondering who’ll get kicked off the Bachelor tonight. And as you get dressed basking in your glory, she is sitting on the toilet wondering why she even tries.
In the pioneering days our forefathers did good to put food on the table and keep their families from being eaten by bears. He’d head out into the fields every morning and come back when the sun went down. It was the wife’s job to raise the kids, patch the roof, clean the cabin, and tend the garden. But this isn’t 1856 and we’ve traded in the mule and plow for a SUV and blackberry and bears are kept in the zoo, so why do you think it’s still her sole responsibility to take care of the kids? Besides the full time job she must work because you want a bass boat, it’s also her job to rush and get them from daycare, go home and check homework, fix dinner then get everyone bathed and ready for bed. While you sit in your recliner decompressing from your week long business trip to Las Vegas.
You’ve never been with a super model so why are you disappointed that you’re wife isn’t one and that you think you deserve one? And what’s even worse you let her know in not so many words, all the while forgetting the hypocrite you are because I’ve been in the men’s locker room and if you could see what I do you wouldn’t have sex with you either. Candidly you look like shit. You have a Persian rug on your back, you’re whiter than snow, and you’re still wearing clothes from Woolworths. You’re lucky if you can make it up the stairs and can’t see your own kneecaps but you have the nerve to say that she’s ‘put on a few pounds’. You don’t have the right to call your wife fat unless you have a six pack and have been on the cover of GQ Magazine.
Valentine’s Day you got her a wet/dry vac. The last time you brought home flowers was the Reagan administration and the only texts you send her say you’ll be home late again. You have forgotten more birthdays and anniversaries than she can count and she hasn’t felt special in so long she wonders if she’s still a woman. You never call her during the day to tell her you love her and you’ve totally forgotten all the reasons that made her say ‘yes’ in the first place, how you pursued, chased, romanced, and made her feel like the only woman in the world. It’s a not coincidence you didn’t have sex problems back then.
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That’s just a few examples why she isn’t having sex with you any more, and honestly, are you surprised? Are you shocked that she’s become so indifferent and uncaring towards meeting your needs? She’s acting no differently than you are, she’s just doing it in her own way. She doesn’t owe you sex! It isn’t a debt or obligation she took on when she married you! Sex isn’t the problem - you are the problem. You’re the problem because you’ve stopped trying. You’ve stopped working at it. You don’t make her feel beautiful, special, honored, cherished, or respected anymore.
You don’t make her feel loved anymore.
You’ve forgotten the vow you made.
No go see if you can fix it.