I had a golden childhood in several respects. But one in particular was having both sets of grand parents until I was thirty. I know of very few others who can claim speed dial to that kind of wisdom for so long.
My grandfathers were vastly different men in both personality and accomplishments. My paternal grandfather served in WWII on the USS Alvin C Cockrell, worked in a plant making speedboats, and lived a very reserved existence. My other grandfather was his polar opposite, which might explain why they weren’t very close. With a meager elementary education, fifth grade at best, he was arguably the wealthiest man on Yellow Creek Road, sought after far and wide for his hunting expertise, and quick to tell any number of hunting or horse stories. By comparison, think Jerry Clower.
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Like most grandkids, I never truly appreciated their presence or perspective until they were gone. Nonetheless, I did possess just enough humility to accumulate a few nuggets of wisdom from them before I had completely convinced myself I knew everything. And for that I’ll be forever grateful.
Even approaching middle age I still idolize both of them, especially my mom’s dad who I called Gocky, as wise sages who could do no wrong; men of impeccable character, full of knowledge with the patience of Job. It makes me wonder if they were always so patriarchal.
Based on things I’ve heard my mom and aunt say, probably not.
Maybe this was discussed on a day I skipped class, but why does it seem men make better grandfathers than fathers? Why could men he dishonorably discharged from fatherhood but find a way to earn a Medal of Honor for being the above and beyond grand-dad? I’m old enough to experience this first hand. I’ve known men who completely checked out in the dad department letting mom handle the duties or chasing too many shiny objects and ending up being the subject of their kids’ therapy sessions for years. Then turn around and become the grandfather that every kid wishes they could have.
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My father had very little patience with me. As a man who did everything with perfection the first time he tried, he found it difficult hold the hands of us mere mortals as we stumbled through. Though I will never really know, I can say with near certainty he wouldn’t be anywhere near as anxious with his four grandchildren. For some reason I peg him as one of those granddads they use in AARP commercials; sitting in his rocking chair with cardigan sweater (always maroon), silver cropped hair and showing his eager grandson the form for throwing a perfect slider.
By most accounts this is a universal phenomenon. Most seem emphatic that their parents are far better grandparents in almost every area. And why is that? Even when so much is riding on those few years our children are under our care and protection, why does the evidence point to us being much better grand parents?
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Time - Even in the thirties and forties we believe we’ll live forever, we’re suffering the halo affect from our twenties when we knew we would never die. But by our sixties, after a few close friends have moved on for reasons that keep us up at night, we begin to feel the weight of our mortality. Suddenly roses smell sweeter, traffic isn’t so bad, and priorities realign.
Obligations – Life is tough, it gets tougher with more mouths we have to clothe, feed, keep in iPhones, and send to college. By the time we’re grandparents the hard part is over. Now we’re resting easy watching as our children pick up where we left off screwing everything up. It’d kind of like watching your kid get his wisdom teeth out, you hate the he has to go through it, but you’re more glad it isn’t you.
Freedom – As a grandparent we can send the grandkids back home whenever we want. Before I had my own kids, I said the best thing about having children is giving them back. I think the grandparents are like that. Sure, we’ll be excited to see the grandchildren as they come through the door, especially when we know they’ll be leaving through the same one fairly soon.
Perspective – Grandparents have been there, done that, and got the keychain to prove it. A grandparent’s perspective is much richer than the parent who has to deal with it in the moment. Johnny failed Algebra, has to take summer school and dad thinks he’ll be living in the basement when he’s thirty. Buy Johnny’s grandfather remembers when Johnny’s dad failed Algebra. And he turned out ok. Sometimes a longer perspective puts things in a different light.
Revenge – This could arguably be the main reason. What better way to get back at your kids for any number of misdeeds than to spoil their children completely senseless? Revenge is even sweeter when it requires a moving van every time the kids come home from grandpa’s house.