Previously Known As Chopperpapa.com

“Let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac.” Genesis 24:14  The Queen and I first met at a bar. It’s not something we advertise. Similar stories usually end with hook ups and poorly. Ours, blessedly, led to meeting again the next day at church, and eventually marriage. We downplay the ‘bar’ thing, instead of saying it was a ‘restaurant,' they technically did serve food. Why we do this, I’m not entirely sure. It may have something to do with the images ‘bar’ convey, or maybe it’s too similar to my former marriage, she and I also met at a bar, one that didn’t have food. And if you’ve visited this website before, you know how that ends. So there’s a fear not to jinx it. But perhaps, and I think this get us closer to the point, our story reflects a complete lack of intentionality. I mean honestly, how uninspiring and unoriginal?  Besides, it models nothing positive for our kids except to demonstrate that a good way of going about the most important earthly relation...

The recent announcement by Marianne Gingrich of her former husband and 2012 presidential hopeful Newt Gringrich’s appeal to open up their 18 year marriage so he could pursue a sexual relationship with his congressional aide and now wife has unleashed a firestorm of criticism and once again brought the whole necessity of marriage back into question. It was Mrs. Gingrich’s refusal to be tolerant, understanding, and more sensitive to her ex husband’s sexual needs that undoubtedly lubricated their eventual divorce.  Whether this in fact did happen or is just a well-timed ploy to ruin a presidential race is inconsequential to me. I could mention that all of Washington is in the toilet so what’s another turd, but I don’t care and this isn’t that type of blog. Regardless of one’s partisan interest the ABC interview did let loose a flurry of writing activity as bloggers all over, looking to exploit the hottest keywords, chimed in with their own two cents. Outside of the political pundits’ ...

Anthropologists calculate the institution of marriage, or something you and I would recognize as such, to date back almost 5000 years. The earliest known marriage certificate, in this case a marriage contract, involving one woman and one man occurred in 2350 BC in Mesopotamia, or modern day Iraq. Over the ensuring centuries marriage evolved, influenced by culture and religion - especially Christianity -  to eventually become what you and I know it as today. Marriage was officially added as one of the seven sacraments of the Catholic Church in the 12th century forever placing it among the most sacred of undertakings. There’s no denying that matrimony between a man and woman is a cornerstone human civilization.  Yet with five millennia of historic precedent to support the idea of life long marriage between two people why is the noise about its necessity and future louder now than ever before? Is there any remaining rationale for marriage or are we just kidding ourselves? Has mar...

I know a thing or two about marriage. My first was finished before I was 35 and we were married almost seven years, even by today’s standard that’s fast out of the gate.  I’ve now been divorced as long as that entire marriage lasted and in that time I’ve had plenty to ponder about why it went sideways. Of course an affair will put the quash on pretty much any marriage but as they say hindsight is always 20/20 and I’ve come to recognize some warning signs I should have paid attention to long before I said “I do”.  Many of those flags started waving early on, long before the engagement ever took place. Flags so bright they apparently blinded me from reality and the eventual impact they’d soon have like our differences on faith, money, children, and the future in general. Several of those chasms were so wide it’s a wonder we lasted as long as we did.  But being a young buck in my mid 20’s I thought I knew everything and approached our dating relationship like I was playing t...

If there is one relationship flaw virtually ever man gets tagged with it’s how he doesn’t talk. And by talk I don’t mean a discussion of golf handicaps, the stock market, or Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. I’m referring to revelations of his inner workings, what’s going on within that masculine mind of his, what he’s really thinking.  I’m not quite sure if every human male is inflicted with this malady or just the stars of sitcoms and feature length relationship dramas but evidence abounds that men keep their emotional cards close to the chest.  And in almost two decades, which involved several committed relationships including marriage, I must admit I’m as guilty of this unseemly personality trait as the next Joe.  But in that time I’ve come to understand, through my own experiences and talking with and listening to other men, what I believe are the handful of reasons why so many of us men almost seem allergic to opening up with the women in our lives.  I don’t ...

The phenomenon of Fifty Shakes of Grey baffles me. Critics claim the writing is insipid likened more to the musings of a teenage schoolgirl than an author whose pen has garnered international fame. Yet the books’ success is undeniable and has sent publishers of a genre historically reserved for middle-aged single women with too many cats scrambling to repackage former ‘romance’ classics, and hopeful EL James’s furiously pounding the keyboard - no pun intended.    Why I give an iota about the novels I can’t say for sure, maybe it’s their meteoric success or why a storyline that seems to epitomize what women throughout history have fought hard to overcome. What I can state emphatically is that I haven’t read the books - entirely. How the first two installments landed in my possession at all is definitive proof a higher power, and while most men would have left them on the dining room table I was intent on deciphering what makes them irresistible to so many. Desiring to learn wha...

There are events which occur in life where the necessary contemplation around their true meaning is enough leave our consciences in a state of upheaval. The accounts of heroism and bravery amid the tragedy of 9/11 come immediately to my mind. The numerous actions of rescue personnel and random citizens who sacrificed their own lives to save those of complete strangers force me to ask if I have even a fraction of that courage and self sacrifice.  Then too I try and envision the victims trapped in those burning buildings as they came to grips with the hopelessness of their circumstances and the reality they faced – remain trapped or jump.  With both means producing the same certain end, how did they rationalize one over the other? What went through their minds after settling on an answer? Were they horrified as the inevitable approached or did they face the end with resolve and calmness?  As I think on these things I’m left with no alternative but to ask myself ‘What would ...

With all the bitterness and resentment that surrounds divorce such as alimony, co-parenting, every other weekend, and the train wreck it makes of lives in general, the notion of parental visitation is head and shoulders the most dehumanizing of all.  The mere fact that, as their father, I only get to ‘visit’ with my children is enough to make me strap TNT to my chest and walk into the nearest family court room. It’s the one piece of my divorce that I have yet to come to complete grips with.  When the Jap and I divorced in ’05 our children were 10 and 18 months old. I moved, and still live, seven miles from the home she and the Trainer live in today. Unaware of their impending living situation and ultimate marriage, I agreed to provide enough financial resources for her to stay home full time until my son was two years old. She felt, and I agreed, that at their young age stability was vitally important and the going back and forth with sleeping here one day and there the next w...