Previously Known As Chopperpapa.com

  My friend Tara, from Relative Evolutions, wrote a recent essay on how marriage is hard work. She ends with this question,  “Marriage is work. So why do we congratulate those who leave a dead-end job while shaming those who leave a dead-end marriage?” It’s an excellent thought and worthy of a response.   ** In several ways, I agree with the creative symbolism she uses to connect work and marriage. She writes:   “First, you have to prove yourself worthy, then you get hired and everyone rejoices because a vacancy has been filled.  There is hope and optimism that the team will move forward and accomplish great things together. You have to show up every day, even when you don't exactly feel like it. You have to use the skills you have as well as learn new ones as you grow. There are changes to roll with, likely in the form of surprise projects and revised deadlines. If all goes well, your work is (mostly) enjoyable and appreciated, and everyone is (mostl...

  My father never offered his advice about girls, though I understand he was moderately popular with them; and after thirty years of marriage you think he’d have something valuable to say. He never spoke about the secret of his marital success or how to make relationships work. He never shared how a woman’s character and integrity are more important than her personality or the color of her hair. He never counseled me to look through her eyes to what hides behind them, and he didn’t caution that in this world there are ordinary girls and girls of a different kind - or how to tell the difference.  His neglect would plague me for more than twenty years.  My impression of women and relationships, for most of my adult life, can be summarized like this; if she was marginally alcoholic, somewhat trampy, overly desperate, and was just attractive enough to bolster my ego I believe she had sufficient criteria for a girlfriend, and if she stayed faithful maybe even a wife. But I wou...